


The One Where Bucky Is Asexual

by sgtbuckaroobarnes



Series: SamBucky Ficlets [30]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Asexual Bucky Barnes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Winter Falcon, asexual due to trauma, mentions of groping, sam is observant and worried, sambucky - Freeform, sort of, the trauma is all the stuff that hydra did to him, there is no sexual rape in this story, there's an asshole at a bar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 22:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11000607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sgtbuckaroobarnes/pseuds/sgtbuckaroobarnes
Summary: Sam keeps noticing Bucky getting uncomfortable in certain situations and just wants to make sure that he's okay.





	The One Where Bucky Is Asexual

**Author's Note:**

> heyo, it's been awhile! my brain hasn't been working very well. But hey look a thing! i just really like the idea of Bucky being asexual because of all the shit he's been through. Just from all the trauma. But also because i am also asexual, not because of trauma thank goodness, but i know that there are asexual's out there who have been affected by things and so i wanted to kind of write that, as a shout out of support to them, and also to maybe make some people aware of it who haven't been before maybe. so yeah. shout out to all my asexual fellows! i love and support you! <3 enjoy guys!

Sam notices it for the first time when they’re all sitting in the living room for movie night, everyone lounging all over the place. Natasha and Tony had somehow gotten onto the topic of sexual conquests and they’d been trying to one up each other for almost twenty minutes. Everyone was pretty much either ignoring them, rolling their eyes, or laughing. Except Bucky.

He’d been resting his head on the arm of the couch, slouched down and relaxed next to Steve. Sam was across the room laying in one of the chairs, his legs hung over one arm. But at the first mention of sex he’d gone rigid. He’d straightened up and went tense, his hands wringing in his lap so tightly that the skin on his right hand was turning pink, Sam was worried he was gonna make himself bleed if he didn’t stop soon. Sam furrowed his brown and watched him physically stop himself from flinching when Natasha said something particularly vulgar. His hands fisted and he pushed himself off the couch slowly and walked out of the room.

Sam didn’t really think much about it after that until they all went out one night. Sam and Steve having to all but physically drag Bucky along with them. Tony had gotten them a huge booth in the back. They’d been there for a while when Bucky got up to get another drink. He’d looked to Sam and inclined his head, Sam nodded back and smiled. Bucky smiled softly back and then walked through the crowd, moving fluidly around people so that no one touched him. That wasn’t unusual and Sam’s smile widened as he watched him.

He looked away for a few seconds and then heard someone scream. He looked to the bar and saw a group of people starring at Bucky and the guy on the ground in front him. Sam was out of his seat in seconds, standing next to Bucky and looking down at the guy with a bloody nose on the floor. Sam gently touched his fingers to Bucky’s arm, he twitched but didn’t pull away.

“You okay?” Sam asked, his voice low. Bucky looked at him and blinked slowly.

“He grabbed me.” He said quietly. Not sounding defensive, or like he was making excuses, but like he was just stating a fact. Sam nodded and wrapped his fingers around Bucky’s wrist. He apologized to the bartender and pulled Bucky toward the door. Sam looked back to their table and saw Steve walking toward them, he held up his hand and shook his head. Steve made his “you sure?” face and Sam nodded to him, motioning for him to stay. Steve nodded and stayed, but still looked worried.

Sam walked them home slowly. Not saying anything the whole way, just watching Bucky walk next to him, his hands shoved in his pockets, head hung low, hair falling in his face and swaying as they walked. He took Bucky up to his room and sat him on the edge of his bed. He sat down next to him and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before looking at him.

“What’s goin on with you Buck? You alright?” he asked, his lips lifting a little when Bucky looked at him. He shrugged.

“Can you be more specific?” Bucky said, smiling a little when Sam chuckled.

“Okay. Yeah. I think I can do that. How bout, the other day when Nat and Tony were talking about sex, you got real uncomfortable. And then tonight. You broke a guy’s nose for grabbing you. I’m not saying he didn’t deserve that. He definitely did. But my guess is that he grabbed you in a creepy sexual way. Cuz you seemed really out of it when I got there. Like you reacted before maybe you even meant too. Is that better?” Sam explained. He moved a little on the bed, turning toward Bucky more. He looked nervous again. Bucky looked at him and nodded.

“It’s better.” He said, pausing and then shrugging again.

“I guess I just, I don’t like how it makes me feel.” He said, looking at Sam through his lashes and the hair falling in his face.

“Don’t like how what makes you feel? Sexual stuff?” Sam asked. Bucky nodded and swallowed hard. Sam nodded.

“How does it make you feel?” he asked, moving his hand to cover Bucky’s when he noticed him rubbing his skin raw again.

“Hey. You’re safe here. You can tell me.” Sam said, his voice gentle. Bucky stared at Sam’s hand on his for a long time, still blinking slowly.

“Bad. Kinda sick. My stomach kinda feels like it’s getting tied in knots I think. And I don’t know, it just feels…wrong, I guess?” he said slowly, clearly trying to make it make sense.

“Okay. That’s okay. Do you- have you heard the term asexual?” Sam asked, reaching up and pushing the hair out of Bucky’s face and tucking it behind his ear. Bucky licked his lips and nodded.

“Yeah. I was reading about it a while ago.” He said, his teeth worrying at his bottom lip, the skin there was turning red now and Sam wished he could make him stop.

“Did what you read feel right? Like it was talking about you?” Sam asked, his thumb rubbing gentle circles into the back of Bucky’s hand. Bucky nodded again.

“Mhm. There was a section about how trauma can cause it. Or… not cause it really, just… I don’t know how to explain it. But… I think it meant sexual trauma and that’s not- that didn’t happen to me.” Bucky said, his brow creasing as he stared into his lap.

“Maybe not. But they still hurt you, did things to you without your consent. It’s the consent thing that causes the trauma. It can still apply to you Buck.” Sam said gently. Bucky looked at him, his eyes were shining and his teeth were on his lip again.

“You think so?” he asked, he sounded small.

“I know so. And what really matters is, if the term fits you, makes you feel like you have a word that helps you explain what’s going on with you, that’s what matters.” Sam said, giving Bucky’s hand a squeeze. Bucky nodded again and smiled a little. They sat on Sam’s bed for a long time, the dim light from the lamp throwing their shadows against the wall like monsters in a children’s story. Bucky broke the silence.

“Hand holding is nice. And other soft touches. With the right person.” He said softly, turning his hand slowly in Sam’s. Sam smiled down at their hands as Bucky pushed his fingers up through Sam’s.

“Soft touches are good. Soothing.” Sam said, smiling as Bucky nodded slowly and kept staring at their hands.

“And I think kissing would be nice. After a while. Once I get used to the touching.” Bucky said, looking at Sam with heavy lidded eyes as his lip slid from between his teeth.

“Kissing is great. When you’re ready for it.” Sam agreed, his eyes dropping to Bucky’s lips and then jumping back up to look at his eyes.

“Sam?”

“Yeah Buck?”

“Can I- I mean can we-“ he took a deep breath.

“Can I sleep here tonight? With you?” he asked, his hand shaking in Sam’s. Sam let out his breath and smiled.

“Yeah. Of course you can.” He said, Bucky smiled and Sam pulled his hand free and pushed the covers on his bed back.

“You mind if I take my jeans off? If not I can leave them on.” Sam said. Bucky shook his head.

“You can take em off. Who the hell can sleep in jeans?” he asked with a smile and let Sam push his jeans off before he did the same. Sam climbed into the bed and got settled, Bucky waited by the edge of the bed, waiting for him to get comfortable before he sat on the edge and slowly slid under the covers next to Sam. Sam pulled the covers up over them and settled down, resting his head on his arm and looking at Bucky. Bucky sighed and turned on his side, smiling at Sam when he saw him watching him.

“What?” Bucky asked, his fingers rubbing nervously at the bed sheets between them. Sam shook his head gently.

“Nothing. I’m just glad you told me what’s going on with you. I was worried about you.” Sam said. Bucky blinked at him slowly.

“Oh. Sorry you were worried…but I’m glad too.” Bucky said, then pulled his lip between his teeth again.

“What?” Sam asked. Bucky raised his eyebrows in question.

“What what?” he asked.

“You’re biting your lip. You do that when you want to say something.” Sam said with a laugh. Bucky smiled and licked over his lip.

“I just wanted to say thanks. For understanding. And for not- not caring… that I don’t want that stuff.” Bucky said. Sam smiled and pushed himself up on his elbow to look down at Bucky.

“No problem. And of course I don’t care. I’m just glad you want to be with me. If all I ever get to do is hold your hand and kiss you sometimes, and have you here in my bed, that’s more than enough for me Buck. Just having you here is so much more than enough.” Sam said seriously. Bucky smiled again and a tear fell onto Sam’s pillow. Sam leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Bucky’s forehead and then dropped himself back down onto the bed. Bucky wiped at his face and Sam heard him sniff as he reached over and turned off the lamp with a click.

They laid in the dark for a long time and then Sam felt Bucky’s finger tips brush against his chest. He moved his hand to Bucky’s wrist and smiled in the dark as Bucky moved his hand into Sam’s and tangled their fingers together again.


End file.
